recently read: what you are looking for is in the library
26: and still born by guadalupe nettel (plus the book that inspired me to start seen library)
It took a while, but I finally shared all the reviews from books I read in 2023. I’m now onto the first books I read at the start of this year, both books recommended to me. And both books I ended up loving. I often find that it’s these books — books shared with me by those who know me and my interests and my passions — that I enjoy most, not books pushed on me by some best sellers list or #BookTok, which is why I share what I’m reading here.
Knowing what book someone is reading and what parts they resonate with most can be so intimate. It reveals their interests, where their head is at, and what excerpts are so significant that they will mark up a page because they think it’s worth revisiting at a later time. I’m fascinated by what books others gravitate towards and I find that it helps me get to know them better and gives me a small glimpse into who they are at their core. No one asked for these book reviews, but maybe it’s my way of showing who I am and what I’m interested in – beyond the clothes, the products, and my career. Or at the very least, encourage some to look up from their phones and instead towards the pages of a good book.
Book no. 1 of 2024
What You Are Looking For Is in the Library - Michiko Aoyama
A book about “the magic of libraries and the discovery of connection,” which was so thoughtfully picked out and given to me by my mother in law. It was the perfect first book to read at the start of the new year as it’s heartwarming, positive and light and makes you reflect on the things we want from life, illuminates how the smallest interactions with people can make a huge difference, and how we often derive unique meanings from books based on where we’re at at the time.
The book follows characters who question different things in their lives, hoping for change, and find the answers within the books recommended to them, which is what I always hope to do with Seen Library — sharing covered books with a few clues, waiting to be chosen based on what one needs at the time.
There was one character I really related to — a bookshop owner who had parallel careers, jobs in two different fields that are somehow complementary where neither is secondary. The author compares this dynamic to plants, with plants having an above ground and a below ground, both equally important, working together in perfect balance.
And that really resonated with me. In 2021, I was burnt out from social media and was on the brink of letting go of all of my clients. Instead, I committed to a year of working less which gave me the time and energy to explore what I wanted to do more of, which then resulted in the creation of Seen Library. Like the bookshop owner, by not making Seen Library my full-time job and still continuing my “day job”, I am able to run it how I’d like rather than worrying about having to consistently monetize it and compromise so much of what makes it special.
Much like the characters in this book, the decision to step back from work only came after reading another book that made me reflect deeply on what I want to do in my own life. Severance by Ling Ma was that book for me — it made me confront how much of my life consisted of mindless repetition and soulless routine and urged me to find the balance between earning a living and making enough to do what makes me feel alive. This book reminded me to search for more of that. Especially in the places we wouldn’t expect.
Underlined quotes:
“Before I had this place, all I ever used to think about was quitting my office job, but now that job is what gives me the means to enjoy running this bookshop. If the bookshop was all I did, however, then I’d have to spend a lot more time thinking about sales strategies and so on… And I don’t really want that… I get more from the shop in terms of mental and emotional satisfaction than I do in monetary profit.”
“You can start again halfway through. Even after your project begins to take shape, you can easily change direction along the way if you feel that you want to make something different after all.”
“When it comes to happiness nothing is better or worse - there is no definitive state… Things don’t always go to plan, no matter what your circumstances. But the flip side is all the unexpected, wonderful things that you could never have imagined happening. Ultimately it’s all for the best that many things don’t turn out the way we hoped.”
“You may say that it was the book, but it’s how you read a book that is most valuable, rather than any power it might have itself.”
“Everything I had learned… came to my aid in formulating my vision for the next iteration of my future self.”
“If you only ever look in front, your view will be quite narrow. So whenever I feel stuck or don’t know what to do, I try to broaden my view.”
Book no. 2 of 2024
A complex, nuanced perspective on motherhood and womanhood that is often untold. Explores the difficult decisions in becoming a mother, the regrets that sometimes comes with that, and the unconventional ways one can parent — a reminder that in the individualistic world we have today, what we may need most are multiple people coming together to care for and raise a child, that it’s not something you can or should do alone.
I couldn’t put it down. Sharp, direct — like a friend telling you about her day. I related so much to the mixed feelings that the characters had about motherhood in contrast to the “just do it” messages I’ve gotten from elders and even peers. And it was comforting to hear the different sides of motherhood — the beauty and also the immense pain and the multitude of emotions that can come with it: jealousy, pride, regret, joy… I highly recommend it and am so thankful that my friend suggested it to me.
Underlined quotes:
“Watching a baby as it sleeps is to contemplate the fragility of all life… I wish fervently for it to carry on living, for nothing to disrupt its sleep or its life, for it to be shielded from all the dangers of the world… ‘Nothing will happen to you while I’m here,’ I promise, knowing, even as I say it, that I am lying, for deep down I am as helpless and as vulnerable as this baby.”
“I needed to understand them, to know if they had really chosen this fate or if, on the contrary, they were merely resignedly accepting a social or familial demand. How much did their mothers, their partners, their female friends have to do with this decision?”
“They would find out the sex of their baby that morning… would leave with a new piece of information, but also with a mission: to go and buy blue or pink clothes, fill its room with carefully chosen toys - a little fire engine, a doll’s house - and then, throughout their entire childhood, to hammer home the idea that they should behave in a certain way - not open her legs too much, not cry even if he were teased.”
“An incurable exhaustion… No one tells you that when they talk about motherhood. It’s one of those secrets that guarantees the survival of the species.”
“His skin had never been stretched like hers had, and so did not hang loose now. In order to be a father, all he’d had to do was ejaculate a stream of sperm inside her, an insultingly superficial gesture, so easy he could repeat it as many times as he liked, with an infinite number of women, like a bee pollinating flowers in a field.”
“We’ve always looked after other women’s children, and there are always other women who help us take care of our own… Motherhood has always been very porous. The females of lots of other species take care of other females’ young. Dolphins have several godmothers who accompany the mother while she’s giving birth and then help her raise her offspring for the first few years. It happens with birds, too; some of them lay their eggs in nests where the female of another species has already laid her own… they take care of the other females’ young as if they were their own… Blood ties don’t guarantee anything. Just think about how so often it’s fathers, grandfathers or uncles who beat or rape children. The biological family is something that’s been imposed on us, and it’s high time we stopped glorifying it. There’s no reason we should settle for that if it doesn’t work for us.”
“There comes a point when all mothers realize this. We have the children that we have, not the ones we imagined we’d have, or the ones we’d have liked, and they’re the ones we end up having to contend with.”
I just put Severance and Still Born on hold at the library (the others are in my list for later). I resonate so much with what you've written here about burnt out. The plant metaphor and your vision+journey for seen library are so inspiring. I now wish even more so that I could make it to your Toronto event this weekend. This is the one weekend I'm out of town. I'll keep watch for future events 🤍