recently read: the art of gathering
20: by priya parker and the idiot by elif batuman
Knowing what book someone is reading and what parts they resonate with most can be so intimate. It reveals their interests, where their head is at, and what excerpts are so significant that they will mark up a page because they think it’s worth revisiting at a later time. I’m fascinated by what books others gravitate towards and I find that it helps me get to know them better and gives me a small glimpse into who they are at their core. No one asked for these book reviews, but maybe it’s my way of showing who I am and what I’m interested in – beyond the clothes, the products, and my career. Or at the very least, encourage some to look up from their phones and instead towards the pages of a good book.
In 2023, I read 28 books and I still plan on reviewing each one. For now, here’s 17 and 18.
See more of what I’ve recently read here.
Book no. 17 of 2023
The Art of Gathering - Priya Parker
I had heard about this book from several people before receiving it — just after I completed my Seen Library pop up in May. Someone actually sent me this book in the mail and I still don’t know who it was… A random act of kindness. From someone that doesn’t want credit… Whoever you are, reveal yourself! This book came at the perfect time and taught me a lot about the way I bring people together — the ways I succeeded and the ways I could have done better.
Overall, it was a really applicable book on gathering with thoughtfulness and intention and has needed tips and reminders on the necessity of both inclusion and exclusion when it comes to gatherings, the significance of preparation and why it’s detrimental being a “chill host.” I highlighted a lot and hope to revisit it time and time again and apply its many learnings to not only Seen Library, but any gathering I host — birthday parties, wedding showers, etc. I do think it could have been much shorter and just as effective.
Get $5 off your book order of $30 or more here.
Underlined quotes:
“Does it stick its neck out a little bit? Does it take a stand? Is it willing to unsettle some of the guests? Does it refuse to be everything to everyone?”
“Before you gather, ask yourself: why is this gathering different from all my other gatherings? Why is it different from others of the same general type? What is this that other gatherings aren’t?”
“The desire to keep doors open — to not offend… is a threat to gathering with a purpose… In trying not to offend, you fail to protect the gathering itself and the people in it… Excluding well and purposefully is reframing who and what you are being generous to — your guests and your purpose.”
“Once your guests have chosen to come into your kingdom, they want to be governed — gently, respectfully, and well. When you fail to govern, you may be elevating how you want them to perceive you over how you want the gathering to go for them… Is your laissez-faire approach really doing your guests the favor you imagine it is?”
Book no. 18 of 2023
In my last recently read, I shared that this was in my top 3 worst books of 2023. If this wasn’t the only book I brought on my trip to Portugal, I would not have finished it. Maybe I’m not smart or sophisticated enough for this book but I found it so boring, apart from the nuggets of beautiful lines that I ended up underlining. It was very stream of consciousness — like stepping into the main character’s head, which I think usually would interest me, but I found 90% of her thoughts so mundane that it was very difficult for me to care.
My biggest takeaway was from reading her descriptions of her (very dull and unlikeable) love interest, which reminded me that at the end of the day, who we desire is really just some person with uninteresting habits and quirks, but somehow still mean something to us. And the way we romanticize our lives and see it as a story, when all it really is, is a series of unremarkable moments to most. And maybe that’s the point! Regardless, I don’t recommend.
Get $5 off your book order of $30 or more here.
Underlined quotes:
“I found myself remembering the day in Kindergarten when the teachers showed us Dumbo, and I realized for the first time that all the kids in the class, even the bullies… rooted for Dumbo, against Dumbo’s tormentors… But they’re you, I thought to myself. How did they not know? They didn’t know. It was astounding, an astounding truth. Everyone thought they were Dumbo.”
“It sounds as if he barely exists at all. He’s just a voice from behind the computer. Who knows who or what is behind there… You can have a completely idealized relationship. You risk nothing… You’re completely safe… If he was a real person, you would have all kinds of opportunities to see the flaws in the situation… because he exists as a series of messages, he’s always there, every time you turn on the computer… He’s the ideal companion, because you get to fill in the blanks.”
“When confronted by two courses of action, one should always choose the less conservative and more generous.”
“He described the importance of cultivating connections, the presence of good people… the need to identify the people who weren’t just good, but who could make things happen.”
“Suddenly the image came into my mind of her putting on lipstick… while he stood in the door and they talked about nothing, like they were doing now — about the trivial and contentious things that somehow made up the whole of life.”
“What’s the matter with you? I want to ask her, my younger self, shaking her shoulder. If I did that, she would probably cry. Maybe I would cry, too.”
“And I could hear from his voice that he was smiling. He was happy that I hurt like that. And I know I had felt the same happiness, anytime he mentioned feeling hurt by me. Why was it fun for us to make each other suffer? Did that mean it wasn’t love? Surely that wasn’t what love was?”
“I said bye first, to be brave. I still thought bravery would be somehow rewarded.”
“They seemed always to be waiting for something… All they talked about was when the thing they were waiting for was going to happen. But whenever that thing did happen, nothing seemed to change. The sense of provisionality was the same, it just gradually found a new object.”
I’m obsessed with Priya’s book! It has really transformed how I think about bringing friends together ❤️
Thanks so much for recommending The Art of Gathering book. Sounds like just what I need right now and I'm excited to read it!