recently read: olga dies dreaming
14: by xóchitl gonzález and beyond the gender binary by alok vaid-menon
Knowing what book someone is reading and what parts they resonate with most can be so intimate. It reveals their interests, where their head is at, and what excerpts are so significant that they will mark up a page because they think it’s worth revisiting at a later time. I’m fascinated by what books others gravitate towards and I find that it helps me get to know them better and gives me a small glimpse into who they are at their core. No one asked for these book reviews, but maybe it’s my way of showing who I am and what I’m interested in – beyond the clothes, the products, and my career. Or at the very least, encourage some to look up from their phones and instead towards the pages of a good book.
Book no. 5 of 2023
Olga Dies Dreaming by Xóchitl González
Took a while to get into as the book covered so many themes and topics and felt a bit all over the place at times. It touched on the myth of the American dream, family drama, political corruption, queer identity, gentrification, the AIDS epidemic, capitalism, colonization, and the history of Puerto Rico. I’m glad I read it as I learned a lot - especially about PR. It’s shocking how much more I’ve learned about Puerto Rico in this one fiction book than I have in any history class combined.
I found myself relating to the main character, Olga, at times — specifically when it comes to work and career. She made me reflect on my position within a capitalist system and having to work in roles that make rich white people even richer and catering to them through work and trying to separate my idea of success from their ideas of success. Olga walking that tension between holding true to her values and beliefs while also trying to make a living really resonated with me.
I will admit, the writing was cheesy at times and the ending abrupt and confusing. Aubrey Plaza is expected to play the lead in its adaptation, though, and I hope that version is better.
Underlined quotes:
“It’s a myth about motherhood… the time in utero imbues mothers with a lifelong understanding of their children… mothers are still humans who eventually form their own ideas of both who their kids are and who they think they should be. Inevitably there were disparities… it was hard to not let that disparity turn into a feeling of deficiency.”
“A man has no problem wasting time, especially that of a woman… they manage to do so in such insidious ways we often don’t notice that it’s happening until it’s too late… Sometimes it looks like passion — they adore, treasure us, want to be with us… We make ourselves available at their convenience, never giving another thought to what we might have done with that time… Sometimes it looks like being supportive — they trust, need us, feel we understand and make them better… Not realizing that the size of their ambitions blocks the light with which to see our own.”
“The greatest fool is the man of color who defines his success by the white man’s standard.”
“So willing — eager, almost — to shed our rich culture for the cheap thrill of being seen as American. Thinking that if one day they accumulated enough stuff, if they learned to act the right way, they could be seen as the same. And because, of course, white America will never see them as equal, they die owning lots of things, but having lost themselves.”
“Even people who were once your sails can become your anchors.”
“He, too, knew the sensation of too-small skin. Knew what it felt like to experience thousands of tiny deaths, year in and out, as he watched the life he wanted escape him while feeling trapped in the life he had.”
Book no. 6 of 2023
Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon
I think a good educational intro into gender and queerness, but think the execution could’ve been stronger — either leaning more memoir like I’m Scared Of Men by Vivek Shraya, which I found really impactful, or really owning the educational angle and going more in-depth.
Underlined quotes:
“The thing about shame is that it eats at you until it fully consumes you. You no longer need people telling you to not dress like that; you already do it to yourself. You no longer need your family telling you to be quiet; you already do it to yourself. You edit yourself and at some point, it becomes so normal that you can’t even tell that you’re doing it.”
“Babies are born and divided into one of two categories… boy or girl, which affects how we treat the baby when they cry, what clothes we dress them in, what toys they’re allowed to play with… Nothing is spared; we mark everything — the colors, emotions, relationships, even food… This is done so consistently and with so much authority that we don’t even recognize that we are doing it…
Depending on whether we call them a boy or girl, we assign each a narrative — we tell some children they are strong, and others they are weak. We tell some they can express themselves, and others they should not have feelings. We tell some their worth comes from doing harm, and tell others their worth comes from accepting it.”
“1 in 10 trans and gender non-conforming people were physically attacked in the past year and nearly half are survivors of sexual violence… Trans and gender non-conforming people are actually more likely to be assaulted… not the other way around.”
“This is how power works: it makes the actual people experiencing violence seem like a threat.”
“In our fear, we treat others’ identities as if they are something that they are doing to us and not something that just exists.”
“The gender binary is hurting us all… Harm from it looks different for all of us… It can look like a woman being called aggressive for speaking her mind or ugly for not shaving her legs, it can look like a man being called weak for not wanting to fight or not being believed… It can look like all of us not feeling worthy because we are constantly comparing ourselves to the norms we are taught.”
Reading to Kids…
I’ll be volunteering to read to kids on June 10, if anyone wants to join! This organization is dedicated to inspiring underserved children with a love of reading, thereby enriching their lives and opportunities for future success.
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