no one asked: productivity, online personas, and pregnancy worries (and pants)
25: what i'm reading, buying and restacking...
Thinking a lot about…
My output. I’ve felt a sense of guilt in the past few weeks from not posting regularly on here and have even felt somewhat wrong in not sharing as much to Instagram. Even though I tell myself I don’t have a cadence when it comes to Substack — that it was just a thing I started for fun — I can’t help that nagging voice in my head telling me that I need to be consistent. I’m trying to push back on the idea that I need to constantly put new stuff out at all times because truly, what is the point? To add more noise to the already suffocating noise that is being pushed on us day in and day out on every platform? Even when mindful of it, it can be so hard to shake off that pressure to constantly create, post and share when we are often told that we need to in order to stay relevant or feel productive.
I needed the reminder that I don’t need to operate that way. Revisiting an interview we did with Rachel Nguyen helped with that. She said: Take away the idea that we have to share anything because now, we're just all trying to share for sharing sake... I can consume but maybe I don't want to contribute, and that's okay… I didn't owe anyone anything digitally.
I’ve started about 5 different think pieces because I felt like it’s been a while since I put one out — all of which have gone unfinished. But if I’m being completely honest, I’m not inspired to write them and don’t feel I have much to say. Instead, I feel much more full from reading other people’s writing than writing anything on my own.
So maybe my output at the moment isn’t through new posts or pieces and that’s ok. Because instead I know that my output is currently taking the form of other things — like being there for my family during a rough time, trying to navigate this new period I find myself in and literally everything else I’m doing, even if it’s not something that others can necessarily see.
Reading…
Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, which I highly, highly recommend!!! I had wanted to read Octavia Butler’s work for a while and now I know how much I’ve missed out waiting this long. As dark as this dystopian story is, it’s also so beautiful. In the way she writes and in the way she provides glimmers of hope and faith.
While you see the worst from people — people who have lost everything and who resort to violence and chaos, you also see the best peek through. Some who still care for the old, the young and the poor. People who despite everything, want to make things better, learn, and be in community with and trust others.
While our world is so bleak at the moment, somehow reading about a fictional world that’s worse made me feel better. And reminds me if they can find hope, kindness and empathy in their fucked up world, I had better find it in mine, too.
Listening to…
A pregnancy podcast, if I’m being completely honest. It’s called Is it Normal? and explores all the symptoms and worries that someone may be experiencing in their pregnancy week by week. It’s been really reassuring, approachable and much less scary than advising Google, which often sends me into a spiral.
I’ve also been listening to
’s new Electric Blue podcast, where she has conversations with people who she thinks look at the world in a different way. It was an honor for me to be included and share a little bit about how I approach career, passions and pregnancy.I also really enjoyed her most recent episode with Reina Hardesty and hearing them discuss the bravery of being uncomfortable, what is actually cool and how being a constant social media scroller is just being an audience member and witness to other people’s lives.
Watching…
Season 2 of Mo on Netflix. I binged it in just a few sittings and love how it approached incredibly important topics like the experiences of the undocumented, Palestinian culture (and erasure) and familial and romantic relationships with such levity and humor.
Buying…
These Brooke Callahan Side Tie Trousers in Rice.
Before finding this pair, I had ordered two other cotton poplin trousers from two different companies — Reformation and another brand I’m too ashamed and embarrassed to name — both of which I immediately returned because their sizing was so off and ended up looking like medical scrubs on me. These fit perfect and I know that I’ll be able to wear them both now, with my new growing body, and later when my size might be more similar to what it was pre-bump. I’ve been trying to resist buying any new clothes because I know this 10-month period is relatively so short and I want to only add pieces to my closet that I’ll wear for years to come.
Restacking…
the authenticity industrial complex by
You see, I've come to view my online presence as a performance, and I'm perfectly comfortable with that. The "me" that exists in the digital realm is carefully curated, a version of myself tailored for public consumption. It's not fake, per se, but it's certainly not the unfiltered, "authentic" me that the cult of genuineness seems to demand. This performative aspect of my online persona isn't deception - it's a form of protection. In a world where privacy is increasingly scarce, where every utterance can be screenshotted, shared, and scrutinized ad infinitum, maintaining a degree of separation between my public and private selves feels not just prudent, but necessary.
To me, there's a different kind of authenticity to be found in the conscious choice to keep parts of ourselves private. It's an authenticity that acknowledges the multifaceted nature of our identities, that recognizes the value in maintaining boundaries, in curating different aspects of ourselves for different contexts.
The Cost of Convenience: The lost art of relationship cultivation by
Our lives no longer involve spontaneous visits to friends’ houses because the cost of transport is too high, we no longer borrow the odd hammer or pack of sugar because we could get it ordered to us within hours and we rarely ask for favours because our relationships have become transactional…
What we have seemed to miss, is that relationships thrive on inconvenience. Being willing to inconvenience yourself to offer, help or support simply because of the value of said relationship is the cornerstone of humanity. However, the collective pillar of the human existence has now become brittle and redundant, because it's quicker and cheaper to do it by yourself.
Lust, Intimacy and the Lost Art of Slow Burns by
What happened to taking our time? What happened to courting, to shared anticipation, to savoring the beauty of discovery?
Yearning isn’t just about waiting. It’s about longing. It’s the gentle ache of getting to know someone piece by piece, of building something meaningful together. It’s in the small, thoughtful gestures, the love notes, the quiet walks, the unspoken ways we say, I see you, and I care. When we skip yearning, we skip the foundation of intimacy.
Why People Who Overconsume Have No Sense of Style by
We’re conditioned to believe that more is better, that having endless options is a sign of wealth or success. But, in reality, it’s not about quantity—it’s about quality and intention. The most stylish people I know often wear variations of the same outfits on repeat. They’ve found what works for them: a signature colour, a silhouette that flatters, and a consistent theme that makes them instantly recognisable. They’re outfit repeaters, but they’ve mastered the art of refinement and consistency, which is at the heart of personal style.
Having a great sense of style isn’t about brand loyalty or chasing every trend that’s in season. It’s about finding pieces that work for you—pieces that fit your body, your lifestyle, and your personality…
Overconsumption leads to a cluttered wardrobe and, often, a diluted sense of personal style. The more you have, the harder it is to define what truly speaks to you.
Connecting with…
My dear friend
for her profile on Seen Library.
Whether it be through the books she reads, her creative eye or the depth of her disability advocacy work Maya is finely tuned to the details and the narratives our society has purposefully silenced. During a trip to New York, she invited me to one of her favorite bookstores in the city, HousingWorks, an organization that channels 100% of revenue into life-saving services for low-income and unhoused New Yorkers living with AIDS.
There, we talked about books and about life and in her profile, she shares the book that completely transformed how she views herself, how her father shaped her love for reading and her favorite spots for an ideal day on the east coast. Read more here.
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