no one asked: lessons learned, journal prompts, and what I want to see less of and more of in 2023

05: and the three ways I'm limiting my phone use this coming year

Normally, in my No One Asked round up, I share what I’m reading, listening to, buying, and other stuff no one asked for. But because it’s the end of the year, I wanted to take the time to share some of my reflections from last year and my hopes for the one coming up. I know new year’s resolutions are a bit controversial, and for right reason (see: Mimi Zhu’s post), but I genuinely love looking back on my learnings from the previous year and what I hope to carry on into the next. I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager. But what used to be lists of to-do’s and career aspirations is now filled with intentions that have more to do with what I feel instead of what I can accomplish.

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Lessons learned from 2021 and 2022

As I was reading back on what I learned from 2021, I saw the ways that writing those down helped me carry those lessons into 2022 in an even stronger way.

1. Listen to gut feelings, especially when it comes to people. Whether in work or friendships, I need to trust my intuition on whether I am compatible with that person or team. At a beauty brand I consulted for in 2021, I knew it was the wrong fit since month one, but stuck with it for three. When I consulted for a fashion brand, it felt off immediately and learning from the previous client, I left after that first month and didn’t regret it. This year, I only worked with two clients, but whose teams I align with in terms of communication styles and values, and was happier for it. I learned that sometimes less is more and instead of chasing every shiny new client, I appreciated the ones I have and strengthened those relationships. This mindset applied to friendships, too. In 2021, I felt toxicity and negativity in a long-time friendship for a while and finally let it go when we got into a disagreement we couldn’t back from. I felt lighter after coming to that decision and reminded myself how that felt again this year. There were a couple friends who I would hang out with in group settings. I noticed I really didn’t enjoy my interactions with them and decided to respectfully distance myself from them — it didn’t need to have any dramatic conversation or fight, just a boundary for myself that I was able to set quietly. For a long time, I thought I was too quick to let go of clients, friendships, people in general, but in 2021, my therapist assured me that if I have never regretted moving on from those relationships, then it worked for me — and it doesn’t have to be a right or a wrong choice, just a personality trait of mine. I learned that I needed to really trust my gut and remembered that by spending less time on relationships that weren’t working, I was able to spend more time on the ones that were — ones that actually felt good and natural.