it's ok to be curated
we're not entitled to knowing every little thing about one another
Back in January, I wrote a piece called Instagram isn’t a highlight reel, where I talk about how the best moments in life are the ones that you can’t easily capture or share in a photo dump or short video clip.
I found that the simple act of writing that piece shifted my already changing relationship to social media. By putting pen to paper — well, in this case, fingertips to keyboard — I was able to better distinguish the difference between a moment that looks good and one that feels good. And with that, have noticed how much less I’ve felt the need to pull out my phone when the latter presents itself. The things that I actually truly, deeply care about have begun to feel more sacred and precious and it’s been so nice to actually sit in it instead of trying to snap a photo of it.
On the other hand, what I do decide to share to Instagram are the things that feel a bit less personal. They show a surface-level glimpse into my world, without going much deeper. And I know…. That’s been a big critique about social media — that we’re only showing a curated part — but I actually think we could use more of that. Because who really deserves to know the best and worst parts of you and your life? Who gets to have access to those you love the most? Who can you trust with the most intimate details about yourself?
And I think asking myself these kinds of questions also reminds me that I’m not entitled to the best — or worst — parts of anyone else either. That what I see on someone else’s feed is only what they are choosing to and feel comfortable showing me, along with hundreds of other strangers. That they have a multitude of things going on behind the screen that I don’t know — and shouldn’t know — about.
At least that’s what I hope is happening. I’d like to think that when we get exciting news, we reach for the phone and call that person we have on speed dial, instead of immediately opening an app to announce it to the world. I don’t want those closest to me to learn about a big milestone in my life through an Instagram post — I want them to be across from me on the couch, with our feet curled up under us, hearing it from me firsthand. I want to see their facial expressions and hear their thoughts, rather than receiving a lifeless “like” or generic comment from them through a screen.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t see the fun or value of sharing to social media. If anything, this realization has only made social media all the easier to navigate. It’s helped me determine what I want to share there (and here!) and what I want to keep to myself. It’s alleviated that pressure to “be authentic”. To be honest, I’m not even sure true authenticity is even possible on social media, when there are articles out there titled The Importance Of Curating An Authentic Personal Brand In 2024. In that same vein, it’s made me feel ok about being more “curated.”
That’s kind of how social media has always been in a sense — from choosing a MySpace Top 8 to uploading albums to Facebook to reposting on Tumblr. We’ve always found ways to sort through and present parts of ourselves online. And right now, I’m leaning into that. I don’t miss MySpace or Facebook, but I do miss Tumblr and the ways I’d mix outfit details with book quotes and interiors. I didn’t post my most intimate thoughts or personal moments there. It was a place I got to express myself visually, not emotionally (I have friends for that!). And that’s kind of how I want to use Instagram.
From my Instagram, what you might see is a series of outfit posts, glimpses of a trip to New York, Seen Library happenings, favorite spots in LA, and brand events and partnerships.
But what you don’t see are the spontaneous hang outs with my cousins, watching my best friend’s baby take his first steps, the weekly walks I take with my 80-year-old neighbor, the handwritten letters my friends wrote me when I was having a bad week, finding out that someone I love had a negative biopsy and successful procedure, and the multitude of things that actually make life good.
I’m not immune to the temptation to capture these things to share on Instagram. When something good happens, it only feels natural to want to tell other people about it. I’m just trying to be more intentional with how I do that. At times, social media does feel the right place to share it. But more often than not, I’m realizing that picking up the phone to call someone or pulling out my journal to write about it feels even better.
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You are the queen of curating! Your posts on IG and here always feel so thoughtful without giving away too much. While I love lifestyle content because it gives you glimpses into someone else's life and has more context than just a picture of an outfit (there's more of a connection,) I definitely think there's such a thing as oversharing. I wouldn't be comfortable sharing my whole life, either, especially since I have young kids. I find that the content I gravitate to the most has that balance between getting to know enough of the person while it still feeling curated. I like how you approach social media as a place to express yourself visually!
I always feel like we're sharing a brain. I literally just wrote my Patreon letters to drop to off at the post office and this was the theme. I like sharing with a smaller group. I don't want to put deeply personal things on Instagram at all. I like it for ... well I used to like it for things but these days not so much.