embodying the world i want to live in
and lessons from my walks with mimi, my 81-year-old neighbor
This is my 81-year-old neighbor, Mimi. And nearly every week for the past 8 months, we’ve gone on walks around our neighborhood.
Our friendship began when my car was sideswiped on the street, left damaged without a note. My husband and I left post-its on the doors of the nearby homes to ask if anyone had seen or caught anything on their ring cameras. A week or so later, a little old lady rang our doorbell. She was wearing an oversized shirt with lots of cats printed on it and explained that she had just gotten back from Japan so hadn’t seen anything… She introduced herself as Mimi and mentioned that she has seen our cat in our window and it’s made her so happy because she loves cats and usually only sees dogs on our street. My husband and I found her adorable.
One day soon after, I had leftover Filipino desserts from a party I had gone to. In these instances, I typically drop some off to my next door neighbors, but this time, I decided to leave Mimi one. I put it in a box with a note and left it on her doorstep. This was over a year ago and from that moment, our friendship blossomed.
From there, we began leaving small gifts on each other’s doorsteps, hers accompanied by handwritten notes with beautiful little watercolor paintings of cats. Sometimes these gifts came in the form of sweets, but more often than not, came in the from of cat-related souvenirs from her visits to Japan.
After some time, she began inviting me over for tea, which is when we really started to get to know one another. I learned that she is a writer, often updating her blog for her friends and family in Japan, and was a copy editor before she retired. I learned that her hobbies included watercolor painting and ukelele classes. I learned that when she and her husband began dating, it was frowned upon, as she is Japanese and he Korean. Have you heard of the book Pachinko? she asked. That’s what it was like. I learned that she has an obsession with cats and that her home was filled with cat-shaped trinkets. I learned that it took her 12 years to become pregnant. I learned that she likes playing Chinese Checkers (a game she taught me how to play). I learned that she is a Christian woman who hates Trump.
In turn, I invited her and her husband to my home for tea and biscuits so she could finally meet my cat and husband. We talked about how besides her, we were all converted cat people only after we had cats of our own. Her husband talked about how stupid people in America are and how they don’t know what actually goes on in the world — to which Ben and I furiously nodded our heads. We talked about where we grew up, where we were raised and how we came to live on the same street today.
The occasional treats and presents turned into normal occurrences. While she still brings back little souvenirs from Japan (she recently brought me back a tote covered in cats), it’s the just because and everyday gestures that I appreciate most. Leaving me bags of fruit that she picks from her friends’ trees. Dropping off rice porridge and an origami cat that her granddaughter made as a get well soon when I’m sick. And from my end, gathering her mail when she’s out of town. Sharing the extra cookies and banana bread my mom often bakes. Bringing her cat toys and supplies to help care for the kittens she’s currently fostering.
The monthly in-home tea visits turned into weekly walks around the neighborhood, where we feed the stray cats along the way and just talk. About everything and about nothing. About the weather, about her latest trip to Japan, about our plans are for the week, about our favorite meals.
On Wednesday, November 6, the day after the election, we went on our weekly walk. We were quiet at first and then addressed how upset we were about the outcome. We soon approached two women walking their dog, one wearing a shirt that said we’re not going back. I told her I liked her shirt and we smiled sadly at one another. Mimi and I walked on. To lift the mood, I decided to share some good news about my family. In that moment, time stood still — she grabbed me and embraced me in a hug and suddenly, we forgot about the political climate in this country and just took in those happy few minutes with one another.
It was in that moment that I was reminded how important it is to find the people that we can do this with. Who can remind us of the goodness and kindness in the world. Who can help us suspend time and for however fleeting, make worries and anxieties go away. Who can make us feel less alone.
The weekly routine of going on walks with Mimi forced me to set aside time each week to just be. To challenge myself to slow down — not only to match the gait of this elderly woman, but to also take in the beautiful, mundane simplicity found in our ordinary conversation and ordinary route. To remember that most worthwhile things — like mine and Mimi’s relationships — take time and care.
I have been wanting to share about my Mondays with Mimi for a while now, but I haven’t felt compelled in the way I do now. Maybe it’s because in this moment, many people are preaching community care — and rightfully so. But I’ve noticed that some of these same people are the ones who do the exact opposite online. Spending time being petty and policing others. Getting high off of engagement as a result of public shaming and clapbacks. Isolating themselves using their feelings of superiority rather than creating a welcoming space to invite people in.
I recognize this type of person because I’ve been one, and at times, still have moments of being one. And I’ve seen firsthand what happens (or doesn’t happen) when one operates in this way. While it’s understandable to think that posting something over Instagram or TikTok to hundreds, thousands or even millions of followers can enact change, what I’ve found is that slowly building trust with even just a few can often be more impactful. That we’re more likely to trust someone we know than some random person on the internet. Too often we assume that we are owed a platform and owed listening ears when in reality, we have to earn trust from people to be listened to to begin with. Too often we think we can change a strangers mind by patronizing them through a screen. Too often we make arguments to those who already agree with us, who already think exactly like us, when time might be better spent putting the work into changing the hearts and minds of the people physically around us who may have a different outlook.
I want to give up trying to engage the masses. I instead want to engage in real life, face-to-face community, one found beyond my screen. One that I can reach more deeply and more meaningfully compared to the limitations I feel when my thumbs hit the glass on my phone.
We get online and repost takes on finding community but many of us don’t know the first thing about being a part of one. If we want to be in a position to to make real change with real people, we have to take the time and care it takes for people to trust us. We have to show through repeated action that we care about them. We have to practice looking out for them just like we claim to look out for the greater good. And I believe this practice starts in our own homes, our own friendships, our own neighborhoods.
I am not suggesting we befriend people with the intentions to eventually try to sway them politically. I am instead suggesting we actually care about and get to know others. Learn about their needs and worries, but just as importantly, their joys and passions. I am suggesting we take time to get to know our neighbor down the street, or our friends more deeply, or our parents for the very first time. I am suggesting we take note of when we are the best versions of ourselves and to lean into those moments in hopes that it encourages others to do the same. I am suggesting we spend more time being grateful for the beautiful moments in life — no matter how small — so that we can work to create more of them. I am suggesting we surround ourselves with the people who make us happy and inspired, the people who push away those contagious feelings of loneliness that have caused too many of us to be mad and bitter and blame others for the problems in this world.
If we want to see more good in the world, we have to try our best to embody that good ourselves. If we want others to see us as human, we have to see others as human. If we want others to trust us, we have to trust others. If we want people to change their value system — one that prioritizes compassion, kindness and respect — we have to practice that in our own lives.
It might sound like a stretch, but I truly think that’s what my Mondays with Mimi — especially post-election — have taught me. That I want to be the kind of person who checks up on her neighbor. Who helps care for the stray cats on our street. Who carves out time to be outside and get fresh air and get to know someone a bit better. Who practices patience and respect. Who can remind someone that while things may feel bleak or sad or scary, that there is still a lot of good out there — and that if we try our best to focus and build on that, that maybe, just maybe then we will see some of the change we say we want to see — if not in the world, then at least within ourselves.
thank you for reminding us to take it slow, care for others and be the change. you inspire so many, including me
This is the most heart warming piece I’ve read here! 🥹❤️