are we really in community?
what community is and what it isn't (to me)
I’ve worked in social media for over a decade now and in the past few years, I’ve noticed a strong (and much needed) shift towards community. When done right, community building in general can foster relationships, connection and awareness. For brands and influencers specifically, this is extremely valuable as it can result in increased loyalty, growth (whether it be financial or social) and insights from their audience.
We’ve seen countless examples of community building efforts by brands and creators all over the internet: beauty brands hosting “community” events, influencers labeling their audiences as communities, and even pop stars partnering with coffee shops for branded “community” campaigns.
Brands and influencers trying to build community isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As screen time rises and third spaces disappear, the urge to gather in-person — and connect beyond a screen — is understandable. Even so, I think it’s important to remember a couple things:
1.) At the end of the day, a brand or influencer’s priority when community building is often what they gain monetarily or in terms of social exposure, which limits the extent to which people actually connect.
2.) The kinds of communities created by brands or influencers aren’t the only ones we should recognize, even if those are the ones that get the spotlight on our social media feeds (or at least on mine).
When you see fun being had at these exclusive, brand-sponsored gatherings, it’s easy to feel left out. And when they’re labeled as community events, it makes sense to feel like maybe you are lacking one.
I make a conscious effort in discerning what community means to me outside of my work and beyond the ones presented to me on my screen, but even then, I can’t help but notice how it’s those types of community efforts that seem to be revered most.
In the past few months, I’ve taken time off work to focus on my new baby and recover from childbirth and pregnancy. I stepped away from a world of branded moments, email invites and guest lists and stepped into a world of 3am feeds, dirty diapers and contact naps.
While some would describe this time as lonely and isolating, as new parents are often holed up in their homes operating on survival mode, I was fortunate to find myself surrounded by so much love and support. While my partner and I were exhausted, overwhelmed and sleep deprived, we were able to make it through the (very difficult) newborn trenches because of the generosity and kindness people offered us.
And that’s what made me reflect on community. What community really is. The kind that doesn’t always show up on Instagram or TikTok — but can instead be found all around us.
To me, being in community goes beyond simply sharing an interest or geographical location. Being in community is when when people interact — meaningfully and intentionally — and support one another. It's when real people come together to make real connections and real relationships, whether it’s for an hour or over a lifetime.
Community is when a friend sets up a meal train for you during a time of need — whether you’ve just had a baby, are caring for a sick parent, or grieving a loss — with loved ones taking turns to deliver meals.
Community is getting a few people together to volunteer at a local elementary school or returning to your old high school to host a book event to inspire students with a love of reading.
Community is your closest friends throwing you a surprise party to celebrate your name change because they want to welcome this new identity and chapter in your life.
Community is playing bingo every Sunday at 1pm with your titos and titas in someone’s backyard.
Community is a neighbor bringing over with rolls of toilet paper because you couldn’t make it to the store. It’s dropping off a bag of lemons at her door because you have extra from your tree. It’s collecting each other’s mail when the other is away.
Community is a local bookstore hosting an afternoon of sign making and letter writing to protest the genocide in Gaza or ICE raids in Los Angeles.
Community is when your aunties wake up at 3AM to go to the flower market and spend hours putting together flower arrangements, bouquets and a floral archway for your cousin’s wedding.
Community is the owner of the local coffee shop noticing you’re pregnant and giving you a carseat and baby carrier his child has outgrown. It's friends and family giving you extra diapers, toys and clothes their babies no longer need.
Community is when a local organization puts on a food festival to celebrate culture and cuisine with people all over the city.
Community is your cousins coming over days after you get home from the hospital to cook, wash dishes and hold your baby so you can finally shower.
Community is a wrapped book swap in the park — so that you can bond with friends and acquaintances over reading, but more so to get to know one another a bit better. It’s going to gatherings around this shared interest — one that fosters meaningful conversation with complete strangers — and coming out of it with lifelong friends.
Community is walking around the block with your 81-year-old neighbor with cat food and treats in tow to make sure the local strays are fed.
Community isn’t made up of the people who like your posts or watch your stories behind a screen, it’s made up of the people who show up for you in real life — for the good, the bad and the mundane. It’s made up of those who grieve with you when you lose a loved one and celebrate with you when your child is born. It’s made up of those who show up for your creative pursuits — the flower workshops, the gallery openings, the poetry readings and the book drives. It’s made up of those who clean up a street they don’t live on after a devastating fire. It’s made up of the baristas who know your name — and actually want to know how you’re doing.
Community isn’t created when a new product launches or when your favorite influencer creates an Instagram channel or when you become a subscriber to some Substack.
Community is created when you arrive early to help set up for a friend’s birthday party and leave late to help clean up. Community is created when you offer to drive your neighbor to the airport. Community is created when you join a collective garden and cultivate and care for a shared space with likeminded people. Community is created when you ask, what are you reading? to the stranger sitting next to you. Community is created when you look people in the eye, strike up conversation and ask them their names.
If ever we feel a lack of community, I want us to take a step back before rushing to the internet to solve it. We shouldn’t rely on brands or strangers online to create community for us. Instead, let’s recognize and appreciate the ways community already shows up in our everyday lives — and reflect on how we can nurture it and continue caring for those who do the same for us. I want us to remember to look around and see how likely it is that we’re already part of special, vibrant and beautiful communities — or at the very least, take comfort in knowing there are so many out there, just waiting for us to join them.